Crawling on
Jul. 20th, 2007 07:45 pmThis is an apology -- to all the lovely people who have left all the kind comments on my last post. I should have replied to all of them -- I love it myself if I leave a comment and then get a reply! -- but now it's too late. And things had to go down for a little more before they got better. A little. Gradually.
I work too much and am not taking care of my self -- nor of my friends, family, errands etc pp. That's so irritating, because the main culprit is myself. During the long years when I was either only barely or episodically employed, aspiring to careers I was failing to make real, or, as an English teacher, deeply unhappy with my situation, I was blaming myself, and the strategy "spend every waking hour on something connected to your job" was keeping the guilty feelings at least enough at bay for me to approximately function. Now, holding a reasonably qualified job that includes some basic responsibilities, and doing well at the technical stuff, this is unsustainable. Endless people asking me questions -- I want to believe because they've made the experience that I give them good answers -- make it hard to get the things done I am supposed to be doing -- which is partly the job I started out with last year, partly about 90% of the responsibilities of my former manager, partly new responsibilities invented by my new manager. So I start developing a certain prickliness. Which I don't like, but then my brain just goes into meltdown if I don't say "no"! (But how to do it without people starting to find me scary?) And does "my" team, all grown men, really need me to sort out who takes his lunchbreak when? Am I well employed sorting out this sort of stuff?
Anyhow. I loved getting away from it last weekend for dinner with
m_nivalis -- though I STILL talked way too much about work. And yes,
chrishansenhome, I'll return your text soon -- getting together on Sun would be great.
Now of course it's Harry Potter release weekend. I'm watching the fireworks with amusement.
I work too much and am not taking care of my self -- nor of my friends, family, errands etc pp. That's so irritating, because the main culprit is myself. During the long years when I was either only barely or episodically employed, aspiring to careers I was failing to make real, or, as an English teacher, deeply unhappy with my situation, I was blaming myself, and the strategy "spend every waking hour on something connected to your job" was keeping the guilty feelings at least enough at bay for me to approximately function. Now, holding a reasonably qualified job that includes some basic responsibilities, and doing well at the technical stuff, this is unsustainable. Endless people asking me questions -- I want to believe because they've made the experience that I give them good answers -- make it hard to get the things done I am supposed to be doing -- which is partly the job I started out with last year, partly about 90% of the responsibilities of my former manager, partly new responsibilities invented by my new manager. So I start developing a certain prickliness. Which I don't like, but then my brain just goes into meltdown if I don't say "no"! (But how to do it without people starting to find me scary?) And does "my" team, all grown men, really need me to sort out who takes his lunchbreak when? Am I well employed sorting out this sort of stuff?
Anyhow. I loved getting away from it last weekend for dinner with
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Now of course it's Harry Potter release weekend. I'm watching the fireworks with amusement.